My Family Wants Me To Lower My Standards & Find A Man To “Settle” Down

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My Family Wants Me To Lower My Standards & Find A Man To “Settle” Down

I remember that it was soon as we turned 25 that things took a turn for a difference. My parents started it and then,well, my twin sister kinda of also started it too…and a few years later,the entire world got involved in my life.

I am a twin,my sister and I are not identical in looks and even character even though we are twins. Growing up as a twin is fun most times except for the constant comparing of one twin to another. My twin was the more likable. More calm and easily most peoples’ favorite.

However the main issue was after we both graduated at age 24 and Taiwo got engaged her high school boyfriend. Everyone was ecstatic for her. And they kept asking me,when will I be getting engaged. To be honest,I didn’t even have a boyfriend. Not in the last 4 years at least.

They got married at 25. Everyone started praying for me to find my own. They also started to hook me up with potential husbands. They meant well but you see the problem is that..I really have not done well in the area of relationship. I have only had one serious boyfriend in my adult life. The others didn’t make it past one month.

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Everyone said something is wrong with me. I am now 36 years old,I have a good job and everything but no husband…no boyfriend sef. They said I was too high class…too choosy. What they mean is: I should stop looking for a guy that would treat me right and just focus on becoming a married woman.

My mother has been praying and fasting for me because she got married at age 21. Now,I am almost twice the age she got married,yet no husband in sight. So,I have often asked myself,why have I not found someone I like enough to marry?

Well, unfortunately,I can only attribute this ‘predicament’ to one thing:I have simply refused to settle!,…no,not settle down for marriage like that o. I mean,I have refused to marry any tom,dick or harry. I want someone who I like,someone who will complete me,someone who is compatible,someone with a high sense of humor and intelligence.

I just feel marriage is a big deal and I do not want to just move in with someone I do not feel 100% is the one for me…now,I have been told by so many including my mum that my expectations are too high. That I will never find the person that will fit all that I want, that I should take what I have been getting and make the best of it.

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Now,let me be totally honest with you…being single at 36 can be lonely especially when am trying to avoid my very judgmental family. So,I often feel the pressure to just settle and the way things are going,I am feeling the urge to actually stop wishing to find a man of  my dreams and just settle..


My question is: is settling such a bad thing? With the way I feel about so many things I may not like in a guy,how do I make a successful marriage if I have to go into the marriage knowing that there are things about the relationship that I do not like but I just have to settle?

I need your advise ma. I really want to be married before the end of this year. What is wrong with me? My grand ma says I am Ogbanje (spirit child). My mother thinks I am a lesbian. I do not blame them…I am feeling so tired of everything…what should I do? Stop fussing or just marry the next man that comes abi?

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I know there are many single ladies like me out there…what should one do in this case? Note,I have been told to be more likable too so I changed my entire wardrobe and looks but there is always thing that one or two things that spoils any relationship I find myself in.

I pride myself as attractive,intelligent,hardworking,God fearing and very focused lady. Why can’t I find a man with the same qualities that I seek? What am I getting so wrong?

Please advise me.

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Photo Credit:Mika

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